Category Archives: Politics

Anthony Weiner Stepping Down

All the major news sources are saying today that Anthony Weiner, among pressure from top Democrats, told friends and colleagues that he will be resigning today. NBC News confirms that staffers have begin cleaning out their offices, shutting off lights and locking doors.

And so ends the great Weinergate. Looks like he’s in the right position to pick up a gig on MSNBC. Of course, David Vitter ordered a hooker from the FLOOR OF THE GODDAMN SENATE, and thus broke the law – but he’s still comfortably in office. Anthony Weiner sent a picture of his penis to a woman, and thus John Boehner has to step in as the moral arbiter of American prudence.

Weiner will announce his resignation at a press conference Thursday afternoon.

[Image via Gawker]

Dems Could Start Squeezing Weiner Out Tomorrow

According to Politico, Democratic leaders are planning to meet tomorrow to discuss the possibility of stripping the congressman of his seat on the Energy and Commerce Committee. This is supposedly part of “part of a larger push to force him out of office” after Weiner sent sexytime messages to women over the internets, but current party rules require at least one week’s notice before the whole caucus can vote.

Many of the top Democrats have been calling for Weiner to resign. On Monday, President Obama said that he would resign if he were wearing (or not) the pants. The congressman himself has made no firm commitment, saying that he would discuss the next step with his wife when she returned from a State Department trip to Europe—which she did earlier today.

Boehner Calls for Weiner’s Resignation

House Majority Leader John Boehner is calling for Anthony Weiner’s resignation. That means there’s no one with a synonym for penis is on Weiner’s side.

The media seems to be having a blast (no pun intended) with the unfortunate name of the congressman from New York. Yahoo.com leads the pack with “BOEHNER HARD ON WEINER” and the cocaine snorting headlines writers at the New York Post are in at a close second with “OBAMA BEATS WEINER”. Keep up the good work, guys.

Top Democrats Stand Firm Against Weiner

Rep. Anthony Weiner (D – N.Y.) is apparently headed to a “treatment center” amidst reports that he contacted a teenager online—a story that seems to be the last straw for Democratic leaders, who are now openly calling for the congressman to resign.

The New York Times, citing “two senior Democratic officials,” reports that Weiner is “planning to check himself into a treatment center,” in order to get the help he needs.

Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee chair Steve Israel and Democratic National Committee chair Debbie Wasserman-Schultz have all released statements within minutes of each other asking for Weiner to resign.

“Anthony’s inappropriate behavior,” says Israel, “has become an insurmountable distraction to the House.” Pelosi, meanwhile, urges Weiner to “seek… help without the pressures of being a Member of Congress.”

Last night, news outlets reported that Weiner had messaged with a 17-year-old high school junior though Weiner, the young woman’s family, and her lawyer all deny that any inappropriate messages were sent.

Alabama One-Ups Arizona With New Racist Immigration Law

The Crypt Keeper, also known as Alabama Governor Robert Bentley, has signed into law what he describes as ”the strongest immigration bill in the country.” The law is considered to be totally racist, and even more awful than Arizona’s SB 1070.

From Reuters:

The measure will require public schools to determine the citizenship status of students — a provision not included in an Arizona law that has been at the forefront of actions by several states to curb illegal immigration.

Under the Alabama law, police must detain someone they suspect of being in the country illegally if the person cannot produce proper documentation when stopped for any reason.

It also will be a crime to knowingly transport or harbor someone who is in the country illegally. The law imposes penalties on businesses that knowingly employ someone without legal resident status. A company’s business license could be suspended or revoked.

Ugh, I’m not even surprised that this came from Alabama. Just take a look at the picture above and tell me you can’t see this guy sitting on his porch in the foothills of Appalachia, strumming a banjo while drinking moonshine and diddling his sister-wife.

 

Campaign Manager, Key Staffers Resign From Newt Gingrich Campaign En Masse

The entire top echelon of Newt Gingrich’s presidential campaign resigned on Thursday, a stunning mass exodus that left his campaign for the Republican nomination in tatters (see: implosion). But the former House speaker and animated sack of potatoes vowed defiantly to remain a candidate.

Politico’s Jonathan Martin has dug up at least some of the big names:

Newt Gingrich’s top campaign aides resigned en masse today, POLITICO has learned. Campaign manager Rob Johnson, strategists Sam Dawson and Dave Carney, spokesman Rick Tyler, and consultants Katon Dawson in South Carolina and Craig Schoenfeld in Iowa have all quit to protest what two officials called their “different vision” for the campaign.

What vision? One that actually works? What do you think happened?

Painting of Poors Removed from Governor’s Mansion

Republicans are on a roll pissing people off this year. With stripping union bargaining rights, killing Medicare and removing paintings of poor people from public buildings, there are some people that–for some reason–don’t exactly like the GOP this year. Now, America’s favorite Republican from Wisconsin, Gov. Scott Walker, has removed painting of poor, homeless, minority kids from his mansion, because he preferred some painting of an old bald eagle instead.

The painting, by artist David Lenz, has only been up since November. The the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel‘s site has a photo of the painting as well as a description from the artist:

In an interview, Lenz said he carefully selected the three children portrayed in “Wishes in the Wind.” The African-American girl, featured in a Journal Sentinel column on homelessness, spent three months at the Milwaukee Rescue Mission with her mother. The Hispanic girl is a member of the Boys & Girls Clubs of Greater Milwaukee. And the boy’s father and brother were killed by a drunken driver in 2009.

“The homeless, central city children and victims of drunk drivers normally do not have a voice in politics,” Lenz explained in an email. “This painting was an opportunity for future governors to look these three children in the eye, and I hope, contemplate how their public policies might affect them and other children like them.”

“Wishes in the Wind” has been replaced by ”a century-old painting of Old Abe, a Civil War-era bald eagle from Wisconsin.” to “honor the 150th anniversary of the Civil War.” Don’t worry though, the painting has been loaned out to a Milwaukee library, where all the poors can look at it before defecating in the restrooms. Or nonfiction section.

Sarah Palin Explains Paul Revere’s Ride

By now, you’re all well aware that Sarah Palin is an idiot. The Great Family Vacation that is the Sarah Palin bus tour made a stop in Ye Olde Boston, touring the sights, such as Paul Revere’s old shack. Palin, when asked by that ‘gotcha media’, gave a brief history lesson on the colonist’s famous “midnight ride” before the 1775 battles at Lexington and Concord.

He who warned, uh, the British that they weren’t going to be taking away our arms uh by ringing those bells and making sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed.

Revere did not warn the British army to step off by ringing bells in their faces and shooting warning shots at them. That would have been counterproductive. Instead, he notified the appropriate colonists in an alarm system chain to give advance warning for protecting the rebel arsenal in Concord. In case you were curious.

America, can we please stop asking Sarah Palin questions? Because I’m tired of hearing her speak, and then having to write stories on how stupid she is.

Thank you.

Mitt Romney Blasts Obama During Campaign Announcement

Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney says Obama has failed the country and is the only one who can help us. The Republican officially announced his run for the White House Thursday afternoon and blasted the President. Romney says he would rein in spending in Washington and put the country on a course toward economic recovery.

Romney held a press conference in his neighbor to the north, New Hampshire, a state where he came in second place in his 2008 bid and one he’s been investing heavily in since. Speaking among the smell of manure and  whatever else New Hampshire is known for, Romney said his first priority will be to make America the world’s top job creator.

His plan, which was made for the conservative’s base whom hold great sway in picking the GOP’s presidential nominee in Iowa and South Carolina-as well as to the independents who are the larges political group in the state, was a sign of his possible viability as someone we’d love to see Obama rip to shreds in the general election.

From the AP:

“A few years ago, Americans did something that was, actually, very much the sort of thing Americans like to do: We gave someone new a chance to lead, someone we hadn’t known for very long, who didn’t have much of a record but promised to lead us to a better place,” Romney said.

Ouch, Obama burn.

“At the time, we didn’t know what sort of a president he would make. … Now, in the third year of his four-year term, we have more than promises and slogans to go by. Barack Obama has failed America.”

The man, who has never served in Washington, went on to critique those in power. He’s promising to cap federal spending to 20% of the GDP (it’s at 40% now) saying, “My generation will pass the torch to the next generation, not a bill.”

Look, Mitt, we’re all for having you be the front-runner in the Republican party, mostly because you’re the guy who passed “Romney-care” in your state and who said “Obama-care” (which is based on your plan) is a bad, bad thing, but please stop talking about shit you don’t know, like running a country. It’s harder than it looks, Mitt. Remember when you were governor, and Massachusetts was ranked 47 in job growth?

Right.

 

Glenn Beck’s Show Off The Air June 30

The conservative’s fear-mongering sack of potatoes, also known as Glenn Beck, will perform his last act on his Fox News show Thursday, June 30th. That doesn’t mean he’ll be gone from the airwaves completely, as there’s no word yet on what Fox News may have him do after that date, but as they announced a while ago-he’ll still be lurking around.

But alas, the Beck show as we know it right now will end at the end of this month. I can’t wait to see how fantastical his final show will be. Who’s in for a Glenn Beck Farewell drinking game?