After Charlie Sheen’s show at Toronto’s Massey Hall last week, local news correspondent Saphia Khambalia filed a live report from outside the theater. Unfortunately for Khambalia, all that anybody could focus on was the giant snot rocket that kept going in and out of her nose. Poor girl! [via The Hairpin]
Free of any bias. Except for that liberal elitist one.
Category Archives: Health Watch
WATCH: The 4/20 Cloud That Ate Boulder, CO
How did you celebrate 4/20? Me? I celebrated the only way I know how, by feeding my alcoholism at several bars in the Kansas City area (I’m on assignment and randomly drug tested at work). The people of Boulder, CO however celebrated in true stoner fashion, with a weed cloud the size of several city blocks.
Watch in pure amazement as a small cloud of acrid smoke rises and then gets larger and denser as the video continues. The coughs and beach balls add a nice touch to the party. The video unfortunately cuts off before the huge crowd of potheads discuss raiding mom’s fridge for pizza rolls and string cheese.
Need Weed? Best Bet Is Staten Island
In almost as many months, police and government officials in New York have busted two massive marijuana growing operations on Staten Island. Agents from the DEA — along with the NYPD and New York State Police — on Monday raided a “sophisticated hydroponic grow house” and found 450 mature pot plants. Two men were also arrested in connection with the operation, which authorities told the Staten Island Advance was bringing in about $10 million a year.
Neighbors had sometimes noticed a faint odor, but claim they never thought much of it, like one rental car agent who spoke to the paper after the raid:
“I park all the cars over there, and I always thought it smelled like pot, but I thought, ‘Nah,’” he said. “On days that it’s windy, when the (rental center) garage doors are always open, it smells like pot.”
No One Is Safe In Mexico Now
Most Americans have a grandiose image of the land of sombreros and tacos as nothing but tequila and historic sites. We think all Mexicans are taco and tequila shot-wielding happy mariachi people speaking the “spanglish”. It may be time to change that opinion.
The WSJ reports that for the first time since this little Neverending Drug War began, the U.S. government has posted an official warning that “Mexican criminal gangs may intend to attack U.S. law-enforcement officers or U.S. citizens” in certain parts of the country, including Tamaulipas.
Look on the bright side though, the 116 bodies found in the Tamaulipas mass grave this week are Mexicans, so it’s not all that safe for them either.
Not Having A Job Will Kill You
Being unemployed doesn’t just mean you’re at risk of becoming fused to your La-Z-Boy, wearing your pajamas all day. It’s far worse. A new study finds that being unemployed increases the risk of premature death by 63 percent.
The study—which used research from the last 40 years—controlled for factors like pre-existing medical conditions or addiction, so those aren’t the reason for the scary figure. Rather, the researchers seem to think that the stress placed on unemployed people—men in particular—causes them to fall into unhealthy habits, like eating poorly, drinking too much, smoking, and watching those Roseanne marathons on TV Land, even though better shows like Archer are like five channels away.
Solution? GET A JOB! Oh, right, there are none. Join a cult! Or a gym. Same difference.
Every Single Public Restroom Must Have These Toeopeners
Now, I’m not saying I’m a too crazy when it comes to leaving a bathroom, I’m sure many people are just like me. I always tear a little bit of paper towel after I’m done washing my hands to open the door with, because I’m petrified of the kagillion different types of bacteria on those nasty, nasty door handles. In fact, I think it’s perfectly normal to not want to get gonhoherpasyphilitis* every time I’m in a public restroom.
That’s why, at $50 a pop, these toeopeners are a godsend. Also, let’s not forget the money malls and libraries will save in the long run from people tearing off extra towels every time they leave the restroom and throwing it on the floor. Please buy these now offices of the world. Thank you.
*I may have made that disease up, but it proves my point of how gross bathrooms are.
Fake Weed Claims Yet Another Naval Academy Student
Ok kids, if you’re going to get caught smoking weed, at least get caught smoking the real stuff and not this fake synthetic shit called “Spice”. That’s exactly what happened to another Naval Academy midshipman, bringing the total number of students expelled for taking bong rips of expensive oregano to 12. FromReuters:
“Our purpose is to produce leaders, and as such, we will not graduate or commission any illicit drug user. This type of character flaw is simply incompatible with leading the Sailors of the 21st century,” Vice Admiral Michael H. Miller, Superintendent of the Naval Academy, said in a statement.
It’s bad enough that they’re being expelled, but at least they could go down for smoking real weed. What a disgrace.
Disposable Subway Glove Will Save You From Herpes, Ruin Your Dignity
Meet the Metro Mit, a lunch lady-style plastic glove that you put on your hand when riding the subway and holding onto the pole. It’s supposed to protect you from catching those nasty germs. It’s also completely idiotic.
Ok, so the subway and public transportation in general is totally disgusting. That’s a given, but a tiny plastic bag over your hand isn’t going to help. After all, that seat you’re sitting in is probably covered in urine and crabs from that bum and that floor your new shoes are standing on is probably covered in anything from mud to vomit. Let’s not forget about you standing cheek to cheek (as in, butt cheek to face) with that guy next to you. Thinking a little plastic glove – or even a haz-mat suit – is going to help you, you’re seriously in need of mental help.
No thanks, I’ll stick with getting antibiotic-resistant gonorrhea from holding that subway pole.