Category Archives: Featured

09

Jul. ’11

If NYC Gets Bike Lanes, The Terrorists Win, Says CBS Reporter

As if terrorists didn’t have enough on their minds, trying to implant bombs into jihadist’s bodies and all, they’re apparently planning on packing their Huffy bikes with explosives and riding down Manhattan’s bike lanes to blow shit up. That’s what crusading anti-bike lane CBS 2 reporter Marcia Kramer says will happen on bike lanes on second avenue and across the city. That’s why she’s on a mission to put an end to those terrorist-loving lanes.

Marcia Kramer is on the scene at a proposed Manhattan bike lane: “A Second Avenue bike lane is next to the Israeli Consulate,” she says. “Imagine if the man on the bike was a terrorist!”

Terrifying. Especially that bicycle basket and streamers coming out of the handle bars.

Gawker.com raises all the important questions;

Which raises the questions: Why do we allow bike lanes at all? Why are we making it easier for environmentally-friendly terrorists to wreck havoc on our cities? If your house is on a street with a bike lane, you may as well have a big bullseye over your roof with the words “bomb me,” stenciled in big red letters.

Exactly. They wrap it up with;

Outlawing bike lanes will eliminate the threat of bicycle-based terrorism, since you’d have to be a suicidal maniac to ride on a street without a bike lane.

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06

Jul. ’11

Are Members Of Congress Too Stupid To Even Vote Correctly?

Unless you were living under a rock the past year, you are well aware that last year was one of the least productive sessions of Congress in the history of Congresses. Things were moving at such a pace that many members of Congress didn’t even know what they were voting on, so they voted the wrong way. More so than ever before.

The Hill reports that “while unintended votes happen in each Congress, some contend that they are on the rise in 2011,” and that over a 10-day period in June, “at least a half-dozen House members have stood on the floor to state publicly that they voted incorrectly.” One great example comes from a potential contender to become the next President of these United States:

“Mr. Speaker, when roll call vote 480 was called, I registered my vote as ‘aye’ and then proceeded to an intelligence briefing. When I returned to the floor, it was my intention to vote ‘no’ on the next amendment, and I registered my vote as such. Unfortunately, due to a staffing error, it was still the same roll call vote 480, and my ‘aye’ was mistakenly changed to ‘no,’ ” Bachmann stated on June 23.

So, why all the sudden errors? The Hill suspects it all goes back to the schedule changes that Republicans instituted when they took over the House — two weeks at work followed by a week at home, with constituents. That means that all the votes get backed up and crammed into a two week period, forcing everything to be rushed through before all the House members rush off to be with all their constituents and gay lovers. That, or House members are getting dumber (or more Tea Partier).

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05

Jul. ’11

Secret Gays Are Ruining The Herman Cain Campaign

The pizza candidate, Herman Cain, is having a little campaign crisis a-la Newt Gingrich. Not nearly on the scale of Newt’s, but bad enough for a couple of staffers in important states to quit their posts. Who’s to blame? The gays.

Politico has an item today about the high-profile departures, which include that of Iowa organizational director Tina Goff. And, as Salon notes, there’s one paragraph that stands out:

The move, which shakes the campaign of the tea party favorite into turmoil in a state where he’s staking much of his 2012 hopes, comes after weeks of swirling rumors between Cain’s staff and volunteers in the Hawkeye State accusing each other of affairs, homosexuality and professional misconduct.

A Cain spokesperson labels such descriptions of internal strife as mere “rumor.” So we shouldn’t jump to any conclusions. That still leaves the question, as Gawker points out, who are the gay staffers and how many gay affairs have they been having with Herman Cain all the time?

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05

Jul. ’11

Gay New Yorkers Can’t Quite Marry Yet

Congratulations gay New Yorkers, today is the first day that you can apply for a marriage license! Too bad the City Clerk’s online form for a marriage license still insists on a “bride” and “groom.” Oops.

A rep for the City Council told the New York Times that the language would be fixed “later today.” Wait what? You were expecting efficiency from the bureaucratic arm of the New York City legal system?! That’s just crazy. Silly homo.

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05

Jul. ’11

Tim Pawlenty Is Your Government Shutdown Candidate

Tim Pawlenty released a new ad today for his campaign to be the most boring President since James Garfield. Pawlenty, no doubt trying to ride the wave of a government shutdown that his political brethren have been talking up, says “I can do that!” and released this ad. In it, Pawlenty recounts all the times he stood up to those Commie, Pinko, Liberal bastards and won! When he was governor of Minnesota, he shut down the government — twice! So vote for Tim Pawlenty, the Government Shutdown Candidate.

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02

Jul. ’11

Texas Coffee Shop Cashes in On Homophobic Tweet

A seemingly homophobic tweet, posted by a Texas-based coffee company shortly after New York legalized same-sex marriage, angered many. So, the people of Brown’s took the tweet down and apologized. At first. Turns out they weren’t sorry for very long. Ka-ching!

“No human law can ever legitimize what natural law precludes. #SorryFolks#NotEqual #WhyBother#ChasingAfterTheWind #SelfEvident

This tweet was posted about an hour after Governor Andrew Cuomo signed NY’s bill into law. Some people saw it and called for a boycott, one store—RBC NYC—said they wouldn’t use Brown’s coffee any more. Brown apologized on its website—but not before owner Aaron Blanco posted a statement that the tweet was really all about “CLASSICAL PHILOSOPHY and LAWS,” as the Express-News reports:

[B]ut somehow people began to twist what was written and added their own lies to the post to mean that somehow we at The Brown Coffee Company are hateful, homophobic, intolerant people,” the blog reads. “Those are not the facts and we regret that this has descended into something very ugly based on other people’s incorrect reading of the Twitter post.”

People then began coming in and buying shitloads of coffee and shirts and other crap, so Blanco “accidentally” took down the apology and put up an essay titled “He Smiles”. Here are some of the oh-so-wonderful excerpts;

For a while Tuesday I considered closing the cafe for a day or a week to let this crud blow over …but then I figured, why? Why do I need to do anything differently? I know who I am. I’m not any of those things any of those people said about me. And so we opened our doors like normal. And something very normal happened. People came in the door and they bought coffee. Lots of it. Extra bags of it. Extra rounds of it. They bought coffee gear, empty jute bags we have lying around and extra packs of coffee filters. They bought drinks for people they’ve never bought drinks for. They bought Brown shirts for themselves that they already owned. They bought practically anything that wasn’t nailed down. And they smiled. And it was good. And there was much rejoicing.

And:

Thank you to all of you, those who tend to agree with my worldviews and to those who don’t, who came and supported us out of the principles of free speech.

And:

Thanks to all of you who showed us that while personal beliefs are, well, very personal, they do not have to be buried or compartmentalized …

And:

Thank you to all of you, those who tend to agree with my worldviews and to those who don’t, who came and supported us out of the principles of free speech.

So, wait. Wasn’t the original, offending tweet about CLASSICAL PHILOSOPHY and LAWS? id his “#NotEqual” hashtag not refer to gays, but to schools of philosophical thought he thinks are bullshit? Yeah, I doubt that.

In response to the Brown Coffee incident, the good folks at the coffee culture website Sprudge have started a #YesEqual campaign—an online collection of photos depicting people wearing the #YesEqual hashtag on their person. Sprudge is also trying to help promot Equality Texas, which lobbies for LGBT rights in Texas.

[San Antonio Express News, Sprudge, Brown Coffee Company website. Image via KSAT.]

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02

Jul. ’11

Married Gay Couple Wins Fight Against Deportation

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A gay couple (Josh Vandiver, a Princeton grad student, and Henry Velandia, a Venezuelan dancer), legally married in Connecticut still faced trouble because of the Defense of Marriage Act. Velandia faced deportation because of an expired visa. Tonight, the couple can rest easy!

Federal authorities have officially decided to cease deportation procedures, saying that the case is no longer “a priority.” So there’s no official new law or rule about this or anything as Vandiver still can’t sponsor Velandia for a green card, but it’s still a victory. This is significant because, as the couple’s lawyer points out, it is “the first time immigration officials had made a decision to not deport the spouse of a gay or lesbian American on the basis of their marriage.”

That’s still pretty amazing and congrats to the happy couple and we’re happy to hear that there are at least some people in the government with a heart.

[NJ.com; photo via Facebook]

 

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30

Jun. ’11

New York May Become ‘Fracktastic’

New York Governor and the Gay’s very own superhero, Andrew Cuomo is looking for his next big issue to tackle. Hmm… How does lifting a moratorium on on dangerous hydraulic fracturing for natural gas and therefore poisoning the water supply forever? Sounds good him.

“Fracking” as it’s called is the hottest new environmental issue and, possibly, the hottest new ponzi scheme in which millions of gallons of water are blasted into deep subterranean shale formations to release natural gas. Depending on your political affiliation, you either think it will (a) poison the area’s water forever or (b) make you a shit-ton of cash. Professional spokespeople for the natural gas industry say there is a way of doing it without killing countless people, so, there’s that.

The New York Times is reporting that Cuomo will allow fracking in parts of New York state with access to expansive shale formations. He would apparently spare the effete, wine-tossing communists of New York City, and Syracuse, however:

The Cuomo administration is expected to lift what has been, in effect, a moratorium on hydraulic fracturing, a controversial technology used to extract natural gas from shale, people briefed on the administration’s discussions said on Thursday.

Administration officials are discussing maintaining a ban on the process inside New York City’s sprawling upstate watershed, as well as a watershed used by the city of Syracuse, according to people briefed on the plan. But by allowing the process in other parts of the state, Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo would open up New York to one of the fastest-growing – critics would say reckless – areas of the energy industry.

Cuomo’s cronies are saying that the Times report “baseless speculation,” as a long-awaited state report about the risks of hydrofracking doesn’t come out until tomorrow. We’ll see.

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30

Jun. ’11

People Can’t Stop Falling to Their Deaths At W Hotels

The W Hotel chain is trying to kill you. Or you’re all a bunch of idiots. Either way, less than a month to the day after two women plunged from a 10th floor window of the W Hotel in Atlanta, killing one and leaving the other in critical condition, another woman has died falling from a W Hotel. This time in D.C.

Located across the street from the White House, the D.C. W Hotel’s rooftop bar is a popular hang out spot for locals and tourists alike. A woman, who according to authorities had been drinking at the roof bar, was spotted climbing over a fence. Witnesses report seeing her “hanging by her hands from an overhang one story below the rooftop around 11 p.m.”

You guessed it, she fell 10 stories and was declared dead at the scene.

Halfway across the country, in Austin, the W Hotel there decided to drop glass from balcony panels three times in recent weeks. The hotel has closed “until further notice.” A couple is suing them after being injured when shards of broken glass rained down on them in the hotel pool.

The hotel management at the Austin W would like to stress that the easily dislodged glass panels are in no way related or similar to those that became dislodged in Atlanta.

[Image of W Washington D.C. via starwoodhotels.com]

Posted by . Categories: Deaths, Featured. Tags: , , , , , , , . Leave a comment